Every year I promise to change a whole bunch of things in my life and, invariably, every year I forget what those things are and never keep to it. When I was younger (and INFINITELY wiser than now!) I flatly refused to resolve to do anything new. This was for two reasons: first of all, I knew I'd never remember the list of things I'd vowed to change or accomplish; and secondly: I was already perfect, so why change?
Wise, right? See, I told you.
There was a third reason, too, as a mater of fact: Why change at the beginning of a year? Why not change every day? If you feel the need to correct something in your life, identify it, define steps to correct or improve it, then ACT. Change. Be all you can be. Insert clichè here.
The thing is: I am intensely competitive. Allow me to illustrate: when I was in High School I was on the thin side. I had a fast metabolism and could eat pretty much whatever I wanted. Everyone I knew worried about their weight (ridiculous when you consider we're talking about 13 - 14 year olds here!!), and kept on about what diet they were trying and how much they'd lost. I do NOT believe in diets. Like New Year's Resolutions, they are ridiculous: eat properly, exercise regularly, drink lots of water and make healthy choices, and you'll be fine. Diets are bad for you, and anyway, they stop working the minute you stop following them. You have to make a permanent, sustainable change if you want to see long term results.
Having said that, I could hardly let the challenge go by. I was certain that I could lose weight faster and better than anyone else, so I developed what I assumed to be a completely original diet unique to me: not eating. Genius right? (I later learned that some credit-stealing chick called Anna had already named this one after herself!). I lost weight. I was the best at losing weight, because being the best at what I do IS what I do. (Ahem.) I lost lots of weight. I didn't have lots to lose but I still lost about 15kg. When I clocked in at the late 30+kg mark people started to notice, and I LOVED being noticed. It worked.
Then my appendix nearly burst and I landed u in hospital. I lied about my weight (by 20kg!) to avoid detection of my little "preference", and ended up getting way too stoned on the anaesthetic. Plus, they thought I was about 11 or 12 based on my skeletal frame, and I was 14 and a half!
That little wake up call reminded me to keep perspective, and I got back on the straight and not-so-narrow. Unfortunately, I had destroyed my metabolism (forever, apparently), opened the flood gates for endometriosis and fertility issues, and lost my beautiful bust forever. You know, that Anna girl really should put more effort into the fine print ...
That little meander into the morbid past serves to illustrate the ridiculous lengths to which my competitive nature drives me. And so back to resolutions.
I figured I could make them - and keep them - better than anyone else. And so I did. Or at least I tried.
Actually, this was a very valuable lesson to me: I am human and very fallible and far from perfect or wise or the best. And when it comes to keeping commitments I seem to be pathetic. But tenacious - every year, I try again, certain that eventually I'd succeed.
To my shame, I have to admit that this year is no different, except that THIS year I am tracking the process online: here. (Okay, I may have said this before, in which case that serves as it's own evidence of my inability to stick to anything!)
This post is really long, now, so I'll put the resolutions in another.
1 Truly my soul silently waits for God; From Him comes my salvation. 2 He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be greatly moved. 3 How long will you attack a man? You shall be slain, all of you, Like a leaning wall and a tottering fence. 4 They only consult to cast him down from his high position; They delight in lies; They bless with their mouth, But they curse inwardly. Selah 5 My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him. 6 He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved. 7 In God is my salvation and my glory; The rock of my strength, And my refuge, is in God. 8 Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah 9 Surely men of low degree are a vapor, Men of high degree are a lie; If they are weighed on the scales, They are altogether lighter than vapor. 10 Do not trust in oppression, Nor vainly hope in robbery; If riches increase, Do not set your heart on them. 11 God has spoken once, Twice I have heard this: That power belongs to God. 12 Also to You, O Lord, belongs mercy; For You render to each one according to his work.
